


the unsaid stuff

by without_a_box



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Allergies, Gen, Genocide, Planet Destruction, References to Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, References to Sex, Starvation, Suicide Attempt, Tarsus IV, Vulcan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-27
Updated: 2013-10-01
Packaged: 2017-12-13 03:32:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/819468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/without_a_box/pseuds/without_a_box
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim did a lot in his life before Star Fleet. Sometimes people forget that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A pretty lousy childhood

**Author's Note:**

> Don't own Star Trek

Jim had twenty-two years of his life before StarFleet. But most of those years are the unsaid stuff. The tales, the rumours, the haunting undeniable truth. 

Within the first minute of James Tiberius Kirk's life his fathers ended. Jim knows he died for a good cause and saved hundreds of lives and all the other shit he had been hearing his whole life, but try explaining to a five year old why his father couldn't be there for his birthday.

 _Birthdays_ were horrible. Winona had this lovely habit of either being off planet or at home and clinging onto her boys like there was no tomorrow. Frank wasn't any better himself. There was this awkward tension in the air around Sam and him, and it only grew as Jim got older.

Frank was a good guy, really. But Jim was his mother's son; he knew which buttons to push.

When he was little he would hear people gossiping in town about how insane the Kirk's were. Well, they weren't wrong, someone just forgot to tell Frank that.

The first nine years of Jim's life he tried, he really did. But he had hear enough about _how much he looked like his father_ and  _how proud he would have been_. Sam was fourteen and was sick of Frank and had hit a teenage rebellion and ran away.

Thirty minutes later Jim drove Frank's car off a cliff.

Now most people wouldn't consider the in-dept meaning towards this. Jim was nine, Jim was upset, Jim liked to live on the edge, Jim didn't mean to drive Frank's 1965 Chevy Corvette into the quarry. Some people are complete idiots.

Really Jim had had enough of this town, if Sam could leave why couldn't he? Frank regretted ever marrying Winona ever since that day.

There were many upsides and downsides for that day in Jim's book, but he looks back and sometimes thinks that hijacking that car was one of the best things he ever did when he was kid. Other people might remark that it was the day that Jim stopped being a kid.

The next few years were filled with police records, and groundings, and encrypted messages to and from Sam, until Jim turned twelve.

Some idiot thought in honour of George Kirk's twelve year anniversary, he should have a movie dedicated to the those twelve minutes he was captain of the _Kelvin._ Heres the kicker, the guy called it _Twelve Minutes._ A piece of cinematic genius probably, Jim wouldn't know, he never watched it.

Two months after that he left for Tarsus IV. That was the worst decision he ever made in his life.

At first it wasn't; getting out of town, seeing the stars, making new friends. Sounded pretty good. Kodos was an alright guy at first. He was nice to Jim and seemed to have a handle on everything.

Until the crops died.

Kodos wasn't much of a public man. He worked stealthily. Rumours of a plauge and people disappearing in the night was the only thing heard.

Everyone was getting thinner, sicker, hurt. Jim was out one night, wandering, looking for food when he saw it. People, maybe a hundred or so all huddled together, and Kodos giving out a speech then ordering an execution.

Jim reacted, he bolted towards the bunch and grabbed the small group of children near the back. Wasting no time they made off into the woods.

He spent months doing this. Helping people escape. Making sure everyone stayed in same groups of a dozen or so, always moving, avoiding populated areas. But the damage had been done.

He could hear the screams in the nights, he did everything he could. He remembers finding the date one day, it was his birthday. Later on he saved three young children.

He was worried, what if no one came, what if he was found, what if they were found?

Finally StarFleet showed up. Four thousand dead was the final number. Kodos included.

This one kid, Tom, mouthy brat who was embarrassed to have some little kid saving his hind, did this one interview before all the tight asses back dirt-side could even release a public announcement about Tarsus. Tom praised Jim, Jim didn't know what to do, he was stuck back at home trying to live with Survivors Guilt. No matter how many times he was told he saved them, saved so many he couldn't get over the four thousand that he couldn't help.

The medics obviously didn't know how to read charts otherwise they would have noticed that Jim just happened to be allergy to about half the galaxy. It was a miracle the starvation and malnutrition didn't kill him, and then to be jabbed with a hypo filled with someone as dangerous as poison to him. That hadn't gone down well with anyone.

Jim spend most of his time between the ages of thirteen and fourteen in a hospital. Granted he spent a lot of the time studying, then gaining enough weight so he couldn't count his ribs and his skin wasn't stretched across his cheekbones.

And once again Jim was stuck in that god forsaken town.

At fifteen he was back in school and started training and training and training. Then one day a teacher tried to make them write an essay on Tarsus IV. The teacher lost his job and Jim had graduated within the month.

Jim took the time to start working on his police reports again. Thank god for small towns, otherwise his smart ass would have been chucked in juvie years ago.

Jim was sixteen and drunk and came home after a long night and Frank slapped him.

People still say the he was lucky Winona only divorced him instead of murdering him.

Jim was seventeen and the bartender stopped trying to kick him out. He spent most of his nights hooking up with anyone, trying to get the cadets into a bed was becoming one of his favourite past times.

People would always say it, tell him, tell him to get out. This town was killing him, squishing him, there was so much he could do for the world. One dark night he was in a foul mood and hadn't drunk enough yet he muttered 'Last time I got out four thousand people died.'

Sometimes Jim wished that that damn shipyard never was built, that they decided to construct their starship somewhere else, then Jim wouldn't have to see StarFleet all the time.

They would ask him on occasion, why doesn't he join up, doesn't even have to leave town, just join the construction crew.

He told them he was set, he got enough in the stock market. Damn genius.

Jim was twenty-two and got in a bar fight with some cadets and met Pike. As Jim ordered another drink the guy dared him to do better. Jim was known for never backing down from a challenge, and maybe he was a little too drunk to be thinking straight.

So Jim was twenty-two and in a shuttle next to a guy who he had nicknamed Bones and the rest of it is some more unsaid stuff.


	2. The Academy

Jim was twenty-two and a cadet at StarFleet and rooming with a functioning alcoholic doctor (who denies the alcoholic part) who just divorced his wife, said wife apparently got the whole damn planet in the divorce as well.

Meaning that both men showed up with only the clothes off their back. Really it is a miracle that Jim managed to make it this far in life.

Now Pike was delighted that he had managed to con Jim into joining. But the fact was that the kid had nothing to his name, except well of course his name, which got him quite a bit of fame around the academy.

Jim never really stopped being known, not even after everyone calmed down about the fact that a Kirk was once again in the Academy. Jim was smart, really smart and a show off and hated losing. The amount of fights he got into was outstanding. The number of fights he actually won, well, that was another story.

Leonard McCoy, affectionally nicknamed Bones, had the privilege to tend to Jim, the damn idiot, and shout him down at least three times a week. At least he had the decency to get into these fights when Bones had time to fix him up afterwards. 

Jim was half-way through his first year and hadn't failed a test so far, until he got to the Kobayashi Maru Test. Jim has a quite a large ego and doesn't like it being damaged. It took McCoy three days to get him to cheer up again after that disaster.

Later on that year he hears from Sam again, he receives a wedding invitation. It had been thirteen years since they had last seen each other and suddenly he gets invited to a wedding for him and some chick named Aurelan. He didn't go.

It surprises many people that Jim managed to survive his first year at the Academy without being admitted to a hospital for some fight (he ended up being in one a few times because of an allergic reaction) or being expelled. So somehow or by some miracle Jim makes it onto his second year, he wasn't called a Kirk for nothing.

Jim was twenty-three and blind drunk at some bar. It took McCoy three hours to find him after he didn't show up for some test. He was worried, Jim had been fine all morning and then suddenly fell into this bout of depression.

He was sitting in some dusty, old bar way off campus nursing some type of alcoholic beverage. McCoy sat down next to him, Jim barely acknowledged the older man before downing the rest of his drink, he gestured his glass to the bartender before turning to McCoy and saying,'It's been ten years since Tarsus IV'. McCoy only knew vaguely about the disaster that happened there.

McCoy ordered himself some whisky, he would need it.

Two months later Sam tried to contact him again. He sent him a picture of his son this time. Jim sent him a picture of himself and McCoy in their cadet uniforms in return. 

Sam remarked about how happy he looked with his boyfriend. Jim had never corrected anyone else faster. 

It was a slow and slightly awkward trying to rebuilt their lost brotherhood but they were making way when Sam mentioned Winona. Their mother, who ditched them and left them with an abusive step-father. Who Sam was keeping contact with. 

Sam was trying to persuade Jim to call her, write her, try and contact her in some form of communication. To which Jim replied sourly 'I don't owe her a damn thing, haven't seen her in almost seven years, not gonna call her up now.'

'She's your mother,' He tried.

'No, she isn't, she hasn't been for a long time.'

Jim's birthday comes and goes once again and neither Winona or Dad is mentioned. Some people are smart enough to know better than to say anything 

Jim is twenty-four and meets Gaila. She's Orion, she's green, smart, and drinks Jim under the table. They meet up a few times a week, sometimes they study, sometimes they drink, and sometimes they go back to the dorms for a few hours.

Jim is well-known for his habits-which aren't the best-so most people forget that his IQ is well above most cadets in his age group. He never really tried to stop the rumours about himself.

Jim, one day, decides he is going to beat the Kobayashi Maru. He never believed in no-win scenarios anyway. So against Bones' judgement he went and took the test again. And failed.

Instead of drinking himself half to death, he plans and plans. He isn't called a genius for nothing.

Jim is twenty-five, still with-using the word very loosely-Gaila, and in his last year of training. 'Four years my ass' Jim would say after getting his results back from all his tests and sims.

Jim is twenty-five and Uhura catches Jim and Gaila together, and promptly kicks him out.

So Jim is twenty-five when he bites into an apple and looks up into the viewing gallery as he wins the Kobayashi Maru test.  

 


	3. The Trip Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is part one.

Jim is twenty-five and saves the world. He gets into a shit-load of trouble, disobeys orders, watches a whole planet get blown up, gets chucked off a ship, gets back on, almost gets killed numerous time, and against all odds James Tiberius Kirk saves the fucking world.

And suddenly he's Acting Captain, and manages to piss off enough of the Admiralty to end up limping though space because he ejected the core, and some genius beamed up almost two hundred Vulcan children before the planet collapsed inwards. 

Jim thanks whatever higher intelligence there is that Spock, his first officer, barely leaves his self-appointed spot a step behind Jim. It really was only a matter of time before the adrenaline wore off. 

Jim wakes up on a biobed next to Pike, who can no longer walk, three hours later.

McCoy can swear up and down all he wants but nothing he could do to keep Jim still. Because Jim only has to deal with the crew, the Elders, the Admiralty, and a couple hundred emotionally distraught Vulcan children. Not much.

Then they get some information, not everyone had died in the initial attack. A few hundred cadets had survived, and a thousand or so shuttles and escape pods had been detected around the area, which Vulcan formally was.

While that was enough to raise some of the crew's spirits, the children would not calm down. So many of them were orphans now. The Elders would do nothing to help either, there was only one Healer onboard and she could not deal with the massive amount of trauma.

People had a knack at underestimating Jim.

He finally had enough time to try and deal with their Vulcan crisis. He walked into the rec. room that the children were being held in and turned to one of the medical officers attending to them.

'What's the age range?' He asked watching the children huddled around each other.

'Youngest; four years, oldest; thirteen.' He gestured to a young boy sitting around a few smaller children.

'Okay,' He wandered over to the group, the children watching him with careful eyes, a pulled out his PADD, tapped in a math equation and passed it to the child.

They all stared at the screen as the boy typed out a solution then handed the PADD back to Jim. He grinned at them and then turned back to the medical officer.

'Get all the PADDs you can get your hands on,' He started typing out a code, 'download this onto them all. We need to keep these kids distracted, math is a logical solution, it's very distracting.'

The room was slowing being filled up with officers handing out PADDs, working with the children, devising more activities.

They had moved on from math and gone onto different subjects. Some of the scientists and a few others had come down and were trying to teach the children.

The Elders were hovering, watching carefully as the children worked.

Jim was sitting with a few of the nine year olds trying to solve a particularly hard equation, while trying to ignore the debate the twelve year olds were having next to them, when Spock walked in.

'I was quite sure I left you in the hands of Dr McCoy,' Spock noted as he wandered over to Jim.

'Hey kids, look it's Spock.' Jim gestured to man who was standing over them.

'I grieve with thee.' He said to them in Vulcan and saluted them, as they did in return.

'Have fun with that.' Jim stood and dusted the imaginary dirt off his pants.

They walked out of the room, Jim turning around and waving and giving a smile to those who were watching him leave.

'I believe you need to rest Captain.' Spock said to Jim as they walked down the hallway.

'We need to look after those kids,' He said completely ignoring Spock's previous statement, 'we have a week or so before we can get back to earth, and StarFleet has already sent out people to retrieve the any survivors.'

'Captain, you will collapse again if you do not rest, I estimate the only time you slept in the past 52 hours is when you previously fell unconscious.'

'Spock, I assure you, I am fine.' He stops and turns around to his first officer. 

Jim is a mess. He has bags under his eyes, and cuts all over his face. He is still wearing the same clothes from after the Nero disaster as well. He looks as if a feather could knock him over and Spock isn't entirely sure the last time Jim ate.

They were just passing the Sickbay when they heard McCoy's yell of, 'Dammit Jim!'

Jim froze and slowly turned around, he slipped into a charming persona in record time, 'Bones, wow I haven't seen you in forever.'

'Maybe if you stayed in bed, I put you next to Pike for one goddamn reason,' McCoy grabbed Jim by the ear and dragged him inside, 'now you need rest and food, and heaven help me Jim if I see you wandering around, not even your pointed-eared boyfriend can stop me.'

Before Jim could protest that statement McCoy stabbed with a hypo using unnecessary force. Jim fell limp and McCoy flopped him onto the nearest biobed.

'Damn idiot, can't leave him alone for a second, what was he doing anyway?' McCoy rubbed his head.

'He seemed to be entertaining the children.' Spock provided.

'Can't stop for five minutes can he?' He had a small smile on his face, 'He was like this at the Academy as well. Its like his allergic to not doing anything, like he needs anymore allergies.'

Spock watched Jim's unconscious form as it moved every so slightly every few seconds.

'Spock, I'm not your biggest fan and you're not mine. But Jim,' He sighed, 'Jim needs someone, and it needs to be you. I can be there to yell at him and heal his injuries,  but he needs you to tell him he's illogical.'

McCoy didn't even wait for a reply just walked off to deal with another patient.


	4. Dirt Side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DONT OWN ANYTHING

They made it back to Earth, somehow. Jim had spent a lot of time on the way back helping the children and then the engineers to try to move the ship faster.

The first shuttles off the ship where the injured, and the Elders. Jim and the rest of the bridge crew followed. Shuttles by shuttle the rest of the crew and the Vulcans were being brought back to Earth.

There were cameras, a lot of them, and reporters, and so much yelling. But there were also cadets, survivors, and his friends. So many people were pushing through the crowds to get to the Enterprise crew.

McCoy was wheeling Pike and barking at anyone nearby when a green and red blob smashed into him. Or more specifically Gaila.

'Bones! You're alive!' She squished him before grabbing him by the cheeks pulling him down and smothering his whole face in kisses.

'G-gaila.' He sputtered but she already took off shouting Jim's name.

Jim was quietly chatting with some StarFleet officers when Gaila got over to him. She smashed their faces together, before moving down the line.

The line being the rest of the bridge crew. Spock, Uhura, Sulu, Chekov, and then basically anyone she could get her hands on.

'The news is going to have a field day.' Jim muttered as he wiped the lipstick from his face before looking over at his shocked crew. Well, except Uhura.

A few minutes later one of the larger security officers stalked past with Gaila thrown over his shoulder. She was laughing happily and waved at Jim as she past.

The injured and medical officers had already been taken to StarFleet Medical, and the young Vulcans were being transported to temporary housing. Then the Admiralty finally had their claws on Jim.

It would have been hilarious in any other situation the way they came down on Jim. Jim, once again, thanked the higher form of intelligence that Spock had not yet left his side.

Spock, with all his Vulcan-ness, managed to keep Jim from being thrown in jail or something of the like. Pike was also a massive help in keeping the Admiralty from eating him alive.

They wanted to charge Jim with something, but they couldn't use him as a scapegoat. The media was already using him as a poster boy.

Jim was back on campus. It was so empty, almost everyone was gone. He was sitting on the green, it was quiet, and he hadn't had to deal with the quiet in such a long time.

Bones had sent him back to the dorms to get some sleep but he couldn't be there. He couldn't sleep surrounded by the rooms of the long gone.

Parents and others had been in and out all day, taking box after box. One of the dorms on a different side of the campus where being used to house the surviving Vulcans.

Classes had started again. They wanted life to move on as quickly as possible. People were signing up continuously, but StarFleet wanted to graduate the few remaining cadets first.

The few remaining cadets were scuttling around when a couple of first years ran over to him.

'You,' one of the puffed, 'You can fix stuff right?'

He pushed up off the ground, 'Yeah.'

'Great,' another grinned, 'Wanna help us out from stopping the labs from blowing up?'

He gaped at them for a moment, 'What?'

'One of the computers started counting down, and is saying something about a self-destruct.'

'Let's go.' He runs off towards the labs. That was not the last time cadets were coming to him for help.

Jim was smart, genius level really, not that he told people. So to say people were surprised when he came in and started teaching classes, was a bit of an understatement.

The number of teachers that had died in the initial attack meant that there were many spots left unoccupied. So any qualified cadets were stepping in everywhere.

Jim had taken up five teaching positions, ran two study groups, every even week he supervised a few simulations, and still helped out doing every odd job that came across his path.

It was a miracle that McCoy hadn't stabbed him with a hypo.

The trial had come and gone, Jim had managed to escape the clutches of the Admiralty. He was amazed to see how many people on the Enterprise who were standing up for him. Barely a single person was found guilty. They even managed to get Scotty off his charges (that might have something to do with the owner of a certain beagle)!

He still had month 'til graduation and was no longer attending any of his classes. But he just sent a mass message to the head of the departments with all the information he needed to know to graduate and plus more.

The trial was over but the Admiralty was still on Jim's case, because really, no one knew what to do with him once he got out of the Academy. There was nothing they could think of to keep him out of the media's way.

He was still the poster boy and he was only looking better and better with all the work he was doing.

So they went to McCoy, the one person on the entire campus who Jim better than anyone.

'Jim is smart, smarter than you lot, and loyal. He'll piss you off for sure, he'll break rules and boundaries, cross lines, and any form of patience flies out the window when he's around. But goddamn you won't find a better person in this whole damn universe. You can push him down and down and try to trap him but it won't work, Jim is bigger than...' He sighs and rubs his head, 'That kid has had a hell of a life, I've known him for years and don't even know about half the shit he's been through. You will give him expectations, and he will give you more. The kid ain't perfect, but he's all you got, he's no George Kirk, so don't except that from him. But he is the best man for the job, no matter what the job is.'

And they knew he was telling the truth.

They gave him the _Enterprise_ , it was no surprise, but that didn't stop him from almost fainting when the carrier gave him the letter.

It was a week until graduation when it happened. Jim had been helping out a few of the engineering students when a man wandered over to them.

'I'm looking for a James T. Kirk.' He announced.

'Great, I've been all over campus looking for you, you aren't an easy person to find,' He was handed a PADD, 'Sign here, thanks, and here you go, see ya.' He handed him a letter and waved goodbye.

'What's it say Jimmy,' One of the cadets called out from the group.

'Um, it says, um, I got the _Enterprise_ ,' He combed his hand with his fingers over and over while slowing swaying side to side.

Once he regained his posture he sprinted to StarFleet Medical, shouting McCoy's nickname down the halls.

'Bones, Bones, Bones, Bones,' He skidded to a stop in front of the older man.

'Down boy, what happened?' He asked slightly concerned at his friend's behavior.

'Leonard McCoy, my close and trusted friend, it is a good day for us,' Jim said swinging his arm over him, 'Together, me and you, you and me, will travel into the black. I, as your captain, and you, as my CMO.'

'Amazing tale you're spinning there, where's all the new found confidence sprung from, last week you were whining that you were "forever going to be trapped on this sorry excuse for a spit of dirt,"' He quoted Jim.

Jim simply waved the letter in McCoy's face.

'Oh joy,' Was all he said as Jim's face grew into a larger and larger grin.

Then graduation was rushed forward and almost everyone who served on the original _Enterprise_ crew was serving a second time.

All Jim needed was a first officer. He had left the spot open, hoping, daring, that Spock would step forward. But he never did.

Everything was ready they were all about to take off when the aforementioned Vulcan stepped into the room and asked for his old position back.

'It would be my honor, Commander.' Jim respectfully answers, and with that they take off into the black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating in a while.  
> I had to pick subjects for next year, which determine what uni I can go to and my career and my WHOLE FUCKING LIFE.  
> So no pressure or anything.  
> I'm having a hard time accepting that I'm a person with an actual future with tax and shit.  
> Help.


	5. Barely dead is still dead

 

James Kirk is twenty-six when he dies. He had been Captain of the USS Enterprise for simply over a year, before he lost his ship, his crew, his friends and then his life.

And then he's not dead.

Bones tells him he's barely dead when he wakes up weeks later, but barely dead is still dead. And the Enterprise is still being pulled out the ocean and so so many people are dead but he's not.

And Spock, he failed everyone and he failed Spock. In his last dying breath he just needed to touch, he wanted to feel the skin of another person for the last time, to feel the physical evidence that he actually saved the ship, that his father didn't die in vain.

Their must have been a reason why everyone relied on him so much, why they put so much faith in him, why didn't he die on the planet so many years ago, why didn't he die instead of Pike, why wouldn't anyone just let him stay dead?

He was stuck in that bed for another week before he could stay physical therapy and somehow he ended up in the room with the best view of the rebuilding of the city.

Probably because no on else wanted to be in that room. To see that destruction and the ship that Khan had crashed being pulled apart piece by piece, and sometimes if he looked closely he could see them pulling people out, even a month after the crash.

The crew visits him a lot, Scott got pretty pissed at him the first time, just before he broke down, then sobered up and gave him a report of the ship. Uhura walked right up to him and slapped him. Sulu gave him somethings to listen to and a training schedule for when he got back on his feet. Bones was in and out the whole time and pretending he never saw the physical abuse Jim was receiving.

And Spock, he was a constant, standing in the corner sitting by Jim's side ( ~~when Bones brought and in a chair and told 'the damn hobgoblin to sit the hell down'~~ ). He seemed to be observing Jim.

When he thought no one was looking, Jim would catch him staring, almost of if he was analysing him, processing every move.

Visiting hours where over and Spock left Jim in the trusty hands of Doctor McCoy. As soon as the door closed Jim turned to McCoy.

'Bones, I think somethings wrong with Spock.' He hissed at his friend.

'What? You think he's short-circuiting or something.' McCoy fiddled with something on a PADD.

'No, its like he's trying to figure it out, and no matter how long he stares he can't come to a logical or plausible conclusion.' Jim turned the PADD he had in his hands over and over.

Bones looks down at his conflicted friend, 'Maybe, maybe you're just some unsolvable puzzle.'

* * *

 

_Is there anything you would not do for your family?_

_~~Because you are my friend.~~  
_

 

* * *

The crew is his family, and Spock is his friend. That is the conclusion that Jim came to during one of the many hours a rehabilitation he had to drag through. But what is the difference? What puts Spock on a different level?

Jim would give up absolutely everything for Spock. That was the difference. He couldn't care less about his career, his safety, his life. As long as he could save Spock.

Infuriating, rule abiding, fascinating Spock. Spock who watched him die, and then almost murdered the man who forced him into that situation, with his bare hands. Spock, who made Jim feel something inside him, something that made Jim wanna run his hands through that perfect hair and play with those pointy ears.

Jim was running on a treadmill while Spock stood in front of him PADD held up and reading the newest updates about everything that was happening; the rebuilding of the Enterprise, reconstruction of the city, StarFleet inquiring if he wanted to teach a few classes again while his ship was being repaired.

'Hey Spock.' Spock paused and looked at Jim.

'Yes?'

'What would you do if I said I loved you?' No one ever said that Jim was very subtle.

Now, Spock's reaction was something that would entertain him for a lifetime.

First he dropped the PADD, his cheeks quickly turned into a beautiful bright green and he opened his month slightly and almost stammered out his small quiet response.

'Captain?'

Jim leaned forward onto the rail and grinned as Spock composed himself, 'Well, Spock?'

'Nyota-' He began.

'But you two broke up didn't you?' Jim referred to what Uhura had told him in previous weeks.

'I have just terminated the longest relationship that I have ever been, it would very unprofessional to enter another at this point in time.' He picked the PADD off the floor.

'Well, I didn't actually ask you out, did I?' Jim eyed the door as it opened and his physical therapist came in, 'So Spock, as soon as the doc here clears me tell the Academy I would delighted to teach some classes.'

Jim jumped off the machine and grabbed Spock's arm just before Spock made a turn to leave. In a quick fluid movement, he pecked Spock on the cheek and swung around and wandered off the meet the therapist on the other side of the room.

Jim even pretended he didn't hear Spock mutter, 'Illogical human.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for it being so short  
> this is only half the chapter, i'll write the rest of it later on


	6. Rebuilding

'...And that is when we ejected the warp core into the black hole and-' Jim words were cut off by someone clearing their throat very loudly from across the room.

Jim slowly turned to see Uhura standing there, arms crossed and tapping her foot, 'Aren't you supposed to be teaching First Contact 101.'

All the students quickly raced back to their seats to grab their books and PADDs just as the bell rang. She stepped into the room and up to Jim and the cadets exited.

'What?' He questioned, 'Don't look at me like that, they asked, I told.' He shrugged his bag over his shoulder and starting tapping away on a PADD.

'What happened between you and Spock?' She asked just as he was about to step out the door, 'He's been different lately, more happy, but only when you are mentioned. So you did something James Kirk, and I don't want you hurting him.'

'I'm not going to hurt him, honestly Uhura I literally gave my life for him, I'm not about to go around hurting him, am I?' He gives her one last grin before disappearing into crowd.

'I don't want you hurting yourself Jim.'

* * *

'How are your injuries Jim?' Spock asked sitting across from the man as the went through their paperwork.

'Uh, good, yeah, all traces of radiation are almost gone, and I've finished all my physical therapy.' He moved over to another PADD, 'I still got a few more appointments for some other things, and then I'm cleared for active duty.'

Spock raised an eyebrow but didn't look up from his work, 'Have you received the list of new recruits yet?'

'We all ready have it? I thought they weren't sending us anything until they fixed up most of the ship.' Jim started flicking through the files.

'Yes, they are giving us first pick over the graduating cadets over the other ships.' Spock hands Jim another PADD.

Jim swiped through a few pages, before checking his watch, 'Is that the time? I need to bounce I got a few things I gotta do.'

Spock silently watched as Jim grabbed a few PADDs and left the room.

* * *

'So, James, I've heard you finished your physical therapy?' She asked.

'Yeah, they gave us the list of recruits as well, so that's good.' Jim sat straight up, smiling.

'Who's "us"?' She jotted down some notes without looking away from Jim.

'Oh, just Spock and I, his my first officer, I think I told you about him. I really don't know what I would do without him.' He twisted his fingers.

'How long have you known Spock?' Her pen never stops.

'We're coming up on two years now.'

'What's your relationship?'

Jim paused for a moment, 'We're close, we didn't meet under the best of circumstances, but he's good y'know, I wouldn't be here without him. And I don't just mean my position, I mean I wouldn't be alive. And I really like him.'

'Its good that you have someone like that in your life.' She scribbled a few more sentences down before flipping back to a previous page. 'Are you still having those nightmares James?'

'Well, sometimes, not as often anymore.' He eyed the clock.

'The hour is up James,' She closed her notebook, 'you've gotten much better, I don't think we even need to meet up again.'

'Really?' He brightened up.

'Yes, I am going to go ahead and clear you for active duty, unless the nightmares start getting bad again I won't need to see you, but I will schedule another appointment in a few months, just a check up. Is that fine with you?'

'Yeah, that's great.' He shook her hand, 'Thanks so much doc, I really needed this, thank you.'

He grinned widely at her before giving her a short wave and leaving the room.

* * *

'Still in the same spot Spock?' Jim asked as he walked back into the room and dropping his PADDs back on the table.

'I assume you have finished your appointment.' He said glancing up as Jim took up his previous place at the table.

'Yeah, got cleared for active duty and everything.' He opened the recruits file and started searching through it.

'Considering the Enterprise is still out of order, what exactly can you do, that you could not do when you had not been cleared?'

'Well, I can help out in any of the classes which involve any physical activity.' Jim noted a few of the cadets of his screen.

'So that is why they had you teaching history.' Spock eyed Jim's choice of recruits.

'Hey don't get sassy with me,' He joked, 'well how about in celebration we go out for dinner, have a break for a bit.'

'I assume you'll be inviting the rest of the crew with you.'

'No, just you and me today, we'll make it a date.' Jim smiled at Spock's shocked face.

'Jim, I...' He couldn't think of a response.

'Say yes.' Jim stared at him.

'Yes.' Spock tried and failed to avoid eye contact with him.

'Great, awesome, yeah, how about we meet up at about seven, seven works for me does it work for you? Good, I'll see you tonight then.' He rushed only pausing for Spock to nod his head, 'See ya later.' He leaned over the table and kissed him on the cheek.

* * *

Jim waited outside the resturant at seven waiting for Spock. He fiddled with his cuffs and prayed to whatever higher intelligence that existed that Spock would not ditch him.

Just at that moment he spotted the unforgettable Vulcan hairstyle walking down the street. He grinned as Spock sped up slightly at the sight of Jim.

'Hey you ready?' Jim pulled down his jacket ever so slightly.

With Spock's confirmation they entered the building.

After two hours they left well fed and quite happy.

'Wanna walk for a bit?' Jim asked.

'Of course.' 

They took off down the street, purposely avidly any construction sites.

They made it down to the water front, the could see the city lights reflecting beautifully off the calm waves. The men stood close to each other. Without a word Jim slowly took Spock's hand into his.

Spock looked over at him, didn't say anything but smiled to which Jim returned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the continued reading, even though i am very irregular about my updates


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